weigh in

I was down 1.2 lbs today!!! that made my morning! good news on this friday!
I finished my night last night with a spinach salad with home made dressing & 5 pieces of asparagus with an itty bitty dollop of ketchup! Felt really good to be in control of that & not over eat.

As the bf did what i predicted and flew off the handle-said i cause soo much rage- someone in my family just died and he is not happy that i have anxiety about how its affecting my other family members-he also thinks i dont have a 'real job' & its 'un fair' that most days i am home before him. I can't win-i didn't even try - i slept on the couch. Of course today its a different story - hes 'so sorry....' he will 'be better..' ughh

Today its after 1pm & i have only had:
1 itty bitty serving of home made butternut squash soup =90 cals
and 1 cup of diet coke!
noticing that i've lost some weight has motivated me to stay on track and as FEW cals as possible!!

hope everyone has a fabulous start to their weekend also!

xo

sm

progress

Today:I woke up sick - spent 2 hours this morning in the bathroom - ughh! wasn't happy about it -but i wasn't sad either - weird right?

Yesterday:i did really really well -  i had to watch the bfs niece. so i was pretty active...walked as much as i could with my ankle took her to the park - got HER ice cream...& walked home[ =
I only ate yesterday :
1/2 of a lean pocked =about 174 cals
& i had 2 glasses of pinot noir= 280 cals
and i had some leaves of an artichoke dipped in 'light' mayo=i'd say maybe 100 cals
not TOO bad!

All i have had so far today= a bowl of progresso soup 1 serving is 70 cals - i did not finish one serving and TONS of water! Its already after 4PM here & in an hour i am walking farmers market with the bf-time to load up on more fruits and veggies! [ =

He just approached me about getting our teeth cleaned/checked [forget the fact that i HATE DENTISTS! i've had bad experience after bad experience!]...but the girl cleaning our teeth [she is offering for free because of work my bf and his father have done around her house for her] is BEAUTIFUL....older yes...skinny.....perfect teeth! ughh i'm not a fan of her leaning over the bfs face to clean his teeth - never the less to critigue MY mouth too...i don't know what to do. he wants to 'talk' about it tonight .....if i don't say the right thing in the right way.......HE will take it as jealousy & if he has had a few drinks with the boys - he will fly off the handle and call me names! ugh

Hope everyone else is having a good ending to their week! i can ALMOST see friday! [ =

xo
SM

boundaries

I feel like i need to preface this entry by saying: i have been with the bf for about 5 years [next month]-his mother doesn't like me one bit-she believes in summoning the dead-things called 'spirithelpers'-doesn't believe in medical insurance-did too many drugs in her 'hippy days'-it has taken me YEARS to get her son to set boundaries with this woman-like:when we're on a date could u not make me sit at a booth while upick up for your mom-valentines day is for lovers NOT to call and say how much you love your mother -it is NOT okay for your mom to ask you 'how long do u wait before you have sex with someone?...how long should i wait'-& last night i had to listen to him tell her 'thats RIGHT mom-i am a GROWN MAN....NO no no i am not YOUR man though....'-this blows my mind-& he wouldn't get 'into it' with her because she brings on the tears and becomes ballistic-there fore she tells ME time and time again i've ruined there relationship-to which i've given up and just say 'if i were you i'd be nicer to the woman who may have your grandchildren...'-she dogs on me about anything showing any cleavage -even turning to her son to say 'YOU let her go out like that!?!?!.....' and i was in a BIKINI on the beach in the middle of SUMMER.....meanwhile shes 55 y/o and sports bright green thongs and bends over in front of her son so they show....-disgusting right?

yet me asking him to stand up for US & to get his mom to not act like she wants a sick relationship with us has made him call me 'fat ass bitch...' '2$whore...' and much worse. i've even told my mom that the only thing i really have control over anymore IS my weight and what i allow myself to eat!

Saturday night: the bfs brother & niece came over - i made a cucumber, tomato, basil 1/2 tbsp of cottage cheese with 1/2 tbsp of evoo, 1/4 tbsp of honey, 1/2 tbsp of balsamic vinegar-delish!--It all came up that night though ,this time the bf came running in with water & a worried look and a 'are u pregnant'..i told him i had heartburn & felt woozy & since i can't mix meds with the medicine i'm on until thursday for my foot i couldn't take any ant-acids.

Sunday:i tried working out on the elliptical and it hurt too bad so i just watched my intake - the bf wanted beer so we walked to the brewery-i had half and told him to finish mine....then i made a 'chef' salad and didn't even eat half of that .....also just had a progresso light soup for 80 cals! i was really proud of myself!

Yesterday [monday]: i watched the bfs niece [her mom is in some rehab program & her father is trying to get a divorce finalized before she gets out & they want the lil girl to be out of the mix as much as possible] so i took her for yogurt, then she watched cartoons - got her to do some homework & then she begged for mac and cheese - bought it - made it...& i had a progresso light soup & a boiled egg white & some turkey seasoned with some pepper!

which brings me to today:
i found pita breads 1/2 is 80 cals-so i cut that half into 1/2
i made a turkey salad mix [light mayo, light mustard, itty bitty relish & turkey- all together about 120 cals for the portion i had] the b/f likes it and he came home for lunch
and i've had two diet cokes
tonight i'm making a spaghetti squash [i haven't touched noodles since september 2011...& u can get this to 'look' like noodles.] so i'm adding some turkey meatballs i'm baking in the over and two tablespoons of pasta sauce! so at least thats healthy!


xo
SM

hello, beautiful♥

Last night: was date night. I ate a HUGE salad & 1/4 of my boyfriends filet mignon♥

then i came home and had 3 glasses of wine [ i'm on anti biotics because i have an infection in my ankle that could turn serious really fast & attack my joints-so i've snacked itty bits here and there like white pop corn-because the meds r killing my stomach!] shortly after the boyfriend went to bed - i laid there-got up & got rid of whatever i could. He doesn't notice when hes fast asleep!

i never plan on doing this. i've only done it a hand full of times-when i feel utterly sick & like laying there with a gurgling stomach makes me want to vomit

Today: we did a WHOLE lot of grocery shopping -i'm quite proud-i love looking in the fridge and only seeing veggies & healthy things!! the bf wanted a beer -since their full of fat - he was kind enough to get a really dark beer-knowing i can't handle/nor stand dark beers. I also have turkey tender/breasts [as i know this is the leaner meat & thus a little more healthy & can cook most of the fat off] marinating in white wine & a mix of spices we made up for christmas gifts-the white wine will cook off also! & i am about to make salsa from scratch & dip some celery in it as a snack!  'restrictive eating' is what i tell my family I am doing-most of my family not that knowledgeable & the fact that i don't live at home - make this much much easier!

its 2pm and i've only had :

3 diet cokes =0 cals

1/4 a caesar salad [asked for dressing on the side & 'painted' the salad with the dressing with my fork]=130 cals

along with getting what walking in i can with my bum ankle! [ =

we're having the bfs brother over & will probably have a glass or two of vino a dollop of ketchup for a few bites of turkey with steamed broccoli - so tonights cals should stay super low also!

xo sm

"loose" I love that word!

Pants that were SOO tight I couldn't button last month
Are now so loose they fall off my hips!!
LOVE


Xo

new world

I am new to this.
i have been 'dieting' since october 2011
highest weight 180.6 [ughh pure disgusting]
current weight 149.3
1st GW 140
2nd GW 130
3rd GW 120
4th GW 110
UGW 105

LONG HAUL-i know= [.
I was approached last year by a family member-literally offering to pay me to lose weight.
thus all of this has started
since then i never take in more than 800 cals a day[sometimes i have an extra glass of wine and its 1000 cals]
I won't use my real name
or my real age-in case family finds this blog

i have a boyfriend
i make two different meals at night
a meal full of carbs, fats , etc for him
a meal 1/4 as big as his - no fats-no carbs - etc

i weigh in almost EVERY day!
it's lonely doing this essentially alone-so i hope to find others dealing with similar issues!


xo SM